Lifestyle /
Is My Success Blocking Love?
Afraid your success intimidates men? You’ll be surprised to find out what’s REALLY going on in this scenario…
If you’re a driven, ambitious career woman, then you might resonate with this question my client Sherrie recently asked me:
“Kavita, men are intimidated by me. My friends tell me that it can be hard for men to approach me, and that my accomplishments are intimidating to men. In fact, I’ve had men tell me this as well. What do I do?”
The short and sweet answer is that there is something blocking you from attracting in men that see your accomplishments and success as a quality that makes you even HOTTER. When I say block, I mean there is a belief that you have carried for a long time that is keeping you playing small in your love life, and that is abnormal for you because you are woman that likes to play big.
Because the truth is: there are so many men out there that would find who you are in all of your glory super attractive.
We need to identify what the belief is and release it so that you are attracting in men that are of your caliber.
So first, ask yourself: What freaks you out about being in a relationship?
If I were to say to you that Mr. Right — exactly the man you desire — is knocking on your door right now, what fears come up for you?
Do you fear:
Losing your independence
Commitment, because what if it doesn’t work out
Losing your freedom
Losing yourself in the relationship
Feeling pressure to be there for the other person
Next, ask yourself: Where does that fear come from — Mom or Dad?
Who in your parents’ relationship did you see lose their independence or freedom? What did it take for your parents to stay together or what pulled them apart?
When I asked Sherrie the first question, her answer was: “My fear is that I would lose my freedom and independence.”
I said, “Okay. Was it your mom or your dad who lost themselves in the relationship?” She said no one. I asked her to think for a second. She then said, “OHHHH. My mom and dad got divorced when I was little and ever since my mom has stayed single because she doesn’t want a man to stop her in her life. “
Sherrie said, “My mom will often say, “I just want to do what I want when I want to do it, so I just would rather not be in a relationship.”
BINGO. That is exactly it. That belief is attractive in men that are not good enough for Sherrie because then she doesn’t have to give up her independence and freedom (not that she has to in a real relationship — this is all subconscious). Sherrie wants a masculine man that is confident, accomplished, and can support himself and her. That is exactly what she deserves, and that kind of man would compel her to commit to be in a relationship.
So what can she (and you) do to overturn this belief and magnetize in a man that is masculine and worth your time?
For Sherrie, I asked her to have a conversation with her mom and ask her how she received support and independence from her father when they were still married.
The reality is that when we have support and we let that support in, we can accomplish more in our lives and have more freedom.
Once she understands the other side of the story for her mom, naturally the belief will begin to fall away and she’ll begin to magnetize men of her caliber in immediately.
Here’s your Lovework:
Answer the above questions and have a conversation with the parent that you feel the belief came from. Ask the parent how they actually felt supported in the relationships they were in.
Now, this may take a bit digging and asking several kinds of questions, because they have this belief too. However, once you hear the other side of the story it will free you.
So did Sherrie’s question resonate with you? Please share in the comments below!
Feature Image: http://cdn.yeeyan.com
Kavita Patel
Author
Kavita J Patel is a Relationship Expert and Love Specialist on a mission to help women worldwide make quantum leaps in their happiness and love lives. As a second-generation Indian American, Kavita's Indian heritage and spirituality deeply inform her coaching, and bring a blend of Eastern and W...
COMMENTS
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE
-
THE MODERN SHARBAT: Reinventing A South Asian Classic, One Drink At A Time
-
The Ultimate Desi Summer Patio: Your Step-By-Step Guide To Creating The Perfect Outdoor Space
-
MAGIC, ROMANCE & DRAGONS: 8 Summer Books By South Asian Authors We’re Excited About
-
Father’s Day Gift Guide: 6 Gifts Your Desi Dad Will Pretend He Doesn’t Want (But Will Use Every Day)
-
Tired of the 401 Grind? Discover the Northern Ontario Train Adventure Winning Over GTA Families
-
Inside Vancouver's Luxury Event Scene: How Paarull JS Bakshi Is Turning Storytelling Into Unforgettable Experiences
-
The Stories Behind the Spice: 7 South Asian Dishes Carrying Stories of Migration, Memory & Survival
-
When Amma Says “Don't Get Me Anything”, But She’ll Be Glad You Did Anyway With These Mother’s Day Gifts
-
Beyond the Taj Mahal: 8 South Asian Places That Feel Like Walking Through History
-
8 Spring Bingeworthy Reads From The South Asian Diaspora
-
Exclusive Chat: Inside ‘Fly In The Chai’ With Author Zenia Wadhwani
-
The Ultimate North American Ramadan & Eid Guide To Gifting, Décor & Family Traditions
-
Escape The Polar Vortex: South Asia’s Dreamiest Winter Escapes
-
The Ultimate Guide To Cozy Winter Reading By South Asian Authors
-
Move Over Hot Chocolate - Winter Belongs To The Saffron Latte & Masala Chai
-
Diwali Gift Guide: From ‘PajamaSutra’ To ‘Little Ladoo’ & More, A Gift For Everyone
-
The Ultimate Guide To South Asian-Inspired Fall Home Décor
-
This Fall’s Must-Reads: Diverse Stories By South Asian Authors
-
The Ayurvedic Guide To Allergy-Safe Desi School Lunches
-
Before The Frost: A Desi Gardener’s Guide To August In Canada
-
From Dragons To Desi Romance: 13 South Asian Books Heating Up Summer 2025
-
Picnic Like A Pro: Easy South Asian BBQ Recipes To Wow Everyone
-
This Might Get Heated: The Ultimate Chai Ranking No One Asked For
-
The Ultimate Mother’s Day Gift Guide For Your Desi Mom
-
Ever Hosted A Desi Picnic? Here Is Your Ultimate Guide To Wowing Your Family & Friends
-
'Detective Aunty' & 9 Other Must-Read Spring 2025 Books By South Asian Authors
-
Beyond Samosas: Healthy & Satisfying Ramadan Suhoor And Iftar Recipes!
-
6 Ways South Asian Parents Can Teach Their Children About Black History Month
-
Rose Barfi, Chocolate Naan Khatai & More: South Asian Dessert Recipes For Valentine's Day
-
From Birth Charts To Lunar Calendars: Setting Intentions For 2025 With South Asian Traditions
-
How To Host The Perfect South Asian Holiday Dinner
-
ANOKHI's Holiday Gift Guide For Thoughtful Desi Presents For The Home & Beyond
-
Not Into Flu Shots? Try These Centuries-Old Desi Home Remedies Instead!
-
Diwali Gift Guide: Barbie® Diwali Doll & 8 More Unique South Asian Gift Ideas
-
From Turkey To Tadka: Desi-Inspired Thanksgiving Recipes
-
Mommy's Time-Out: How To Reclaim Your Zen After The Back-to-School Scramble
-
Khichdi Cups & 5 South Asian School Lunch Recipes For Busy Desi Parents
-
6 Complaints Desi Grandparents Have About Keeping Pets & How You Can Counter Them
-
Raksha Bandhan Gift Guide: Celebrate The Festival With A Modern Twist!
-
Summer Elixirs: Healthy South Asian Cooling Drink Recipes To Beat The Heat
-
Stay Cool: Build a Summer Garden Oasis At Home With Tulsi & Shade
-
Celebrating International Yoga Day: Find Your Balance Through Chakra Meditation
-
Spice Up Your Summer BBQ With These 5 Mouthwatering South Asian Recipes
-
South Asian Heritage Month: Journey Through Time With 8 Iconic South Asian Travel Destinations
-
How To Add Ancient South Asian Spiritual Cleansing Rituals To Modern Spring Cleaning Techniques
-
Toronto's Living Luxe Design Show Sets a New Standard for Luxury Exhibitions
-
Savouring South Asian Style: Elevate Your Home Decor with Cultural Flair
-
6 Ways To Create Fun Quality Time With Your Kids & Parents That Both Will Love!
-
Celebrating South Asian Literature: Must-Read Books by Female Authors
-
Flavourful Festivities: Traditional Holi Recipes To Spice Up Your Table
-
The Living Luxe Design Show Presented By JennAir Announces Powerhouse Program Of Speakers
-
7 Ways Yoga Will Save Your Mental Health
-
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Can I Convince My Friend That Her Threatening Boyfriend Is The Problem, Not Me?
-
10 Tips To Manage & Survive Long-Distance Relationships
-
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: I'm Afraid My Childhood Bully Will Be Back In My Life, What Do I Do?
-
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Create "Me Time" In My Demanding Life?
-
Hot Spot Alert: Mishree Cocktails & Cuisine Exhilarates With South Asian X Middle Eastern Cuisine
-
BioAro Founder Dr. Anmol Kapoor Wants You To Be The CEO Of Your Health
-
Savour the Holidays With This Paneer Pakora Recipe By KFI Sauces!
-
Here's How To Craft And Achieve Meaningful New Year's Resolutions