Lifestyle / Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Create “Me Time” In My Demanding Life?

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Create “Me Time” In My Demanding Life?

Lifestyle Feb 02, 2024

by Dr. Monica Vermani

Dear Dr. Monica,

I recently became a first-time grandmother. I am also a wife, mother, and, until recently a full-time nurse. I am also the daughter of a 95-year-old mother, who is suffering from dementia and lives in an assisted living facility. She is well cared for by staff members, but, as with most people in her situation, enjoys a better quality of life as a result of regular routine visits from a caregiver. (I have siblings who live far away, and am very grateful that I am able to spend time with her daily.) Between daily visits with my mother, and weekly overnight babysitting for my son and daughter-in-law, who are making an effort to have date nights, and trust only me (as I am a nurse) to care for their baby, and run my own household, I’m on the verge of burning out! I love my mother, and would not allow a day to go by where she is without family contact. I love my son and daughter-in-law, and I am over the moon about my grandchild, but find myself exhausted beyond belief after a night of interrupted sleep, caring for a restless baby.

My husband is afraid that one day I will fall asleep at the wheel driving between errands and commitments. What can I do to create some balance in my life?

Signed

Burnt-out Grannie

Dear Grannie,

Congratulations on becoming a first-time grandmother! As a healthcare professional, I am sure you are aware of what burnout is, and how it can negatively impact both your physical and mental health. But, as a healthcare professional, I am sure there have been many times in your career when you have put the needs of others ahead of your own, and that doing so is something that you may do without feeling put upon.

But the reality is that we all have finite resources of time and energy. We need a great deal of our time and energy to take care of our life tasks and responsibilities. Right now, there are two aspects of your life where your responsibilities have increased and have become too great a burden. (This is not to say that your mother and your grandchild are burdens! Far from it!)

I urge you to sit down with your husband, son, daughter-in-law, and other family members, to talk about how to share the responsibilities (burdens) of childcare, regular visits with your mother, and the day-to-day tasks of running your household. And talk to your siblings about how they can support your mother’s ongoing care and well-being.

Give your family members a chance to be part of the solution. You are not alone here, and need not be overwhelmed by the needs of family members … even though you’re great at taking care of others!

Main Image Photo Credit: Unsplash

Dr. Monica Vermani

Author

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in treating trauma, stress, mood & anxiety disorders and is the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is coming out in 2021. www.drmonicavermani.com

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Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Create “Me Time” In My Demanding Life?

by Dr. Monica Vermani

Dr. Monica Vermani

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