How “lessons learned” are holding you back from letting new love in.
This month has been an exciting — and scary — one for me. I was a featured in a national publication, I was a speaker at a 3-day event for over 200 entrepreneurs, and I am launching my first ever high end long-term program, called Love Mastery. And that is just this month!
I have to say that with all this excitement, a lot of mixed feelings keep coming up. It’s been my goal to build and help as many people around love possible, but at the same time, it is freaking scary. It’s hitting me that I am being seen and talked about by a lot more people.
All these thoughts keep coming up, like:
What if people don’t like what I am saying?
What if people that I love reject me?
When these thoughts first came up, my first inclination was to shrink and stay safe. I felt these feelings for a while, because I know if you don’t feel it, the feeling will get bigger and bigger.
So I acknowledged and welcomed the fear rather than shutting it down.
I then took out a piece of paper and listed out what I was scared of. As soon as I looked at the piece of paper and read aloud what I was terrified of, it helped me to release those fears. Immediately, I felt lighter. I was then able to pick myself up and remind myself of what I really want.
I am committed to living a life that is more than mediocre or average.
I am committed to having my voice heard because what and how I have to say it matters.
I am telling you all of this because you are going to have fears especially when it comes to love. If you are trying to push them down and not acknowledge them, they will get bigger and you may even convince yourself that you are not ready for love or that love isn’t possible for you.
Most of these fears are old. They are from getting broken up with, cheated on, or even very old memories of feeling like mom and dad didn’t quite get us. And what happens in those situations is we create lessons learned, to try and validate why we are experiencing those feelings. It’s a way of trying to protect ourselves from not getting hurt or rejected again.
So we create lessons learned like:
I should never let myself be hurt like that again.
I shouldn’t get too vulnerable too quickly like I did before.
I shouldn’t have gotten so emotional with him.
I should have waited to sleep with him.
The problem with holding on to these lessons learned is that this lesson suffocates us when we attempt to let new love in.
You have to relate to your past loves and relationships from a place of seeing that it was right when it was right, and wrong when it was wrong. This will give you the space to see who is in front of you today versus constantly trying to make sure you aren’t making a mistake like you did in the past.
You decided the lesson learned when you needed to hold onto the cane to get yourself back up. Now that you are running and jumping, you don’t need the cane anymore.
Here are three steps to let go of your fears, and your old lessons learned, in love:
1) Write down each and every fear that comes up for you around love.
2) Next, read them aloud. Voice them and fully feel those feelings, rather than stuffing them down.
3) Write down what it is you truly want, and what you are truly committed to. Voice those aloud!
Photo Credit: iStock Photo
Kavita Patel
Author
Kavita J Patel is a Relationship Expert and Love Specialist on a mission to help women worldwide make quantum leaps in their happiness and love lives. As a second-generation Indian American, Kavita's Indian heritage and spirituality deeply inform her coaching, and bring a blend of Eastern and W...
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