Agam Darshi Shows The Beauty Of An Adult Coming-Of-Age In ‘Donkeyhead’

Having its premiere at the Mosaic International South Asian Film Festival tonight, Donkeyhead is written by, directed by and stars Canadian thespian Agam Darshi. She plays Mona, a 30-something still struggling to figure out where she fits in the world — a conundrum that’s brought to bear after her father is struck ill and her much more successful brothers and sister return home looking to take charge. Here, in an exclusive interview, Darshi discusses the joy of playing an outlier and the beauty of an adult going on their own “coming-of-age” journey.

Canadian actress Agam Darshi (Sanctuary and Funny Boy) makes her directorial debut with this offbeat, Saskatchewan-shot dramedy, set to open the ninth annual Mosaic International South Asian Film Fest (MISAFF) in Toronto this week. Beyond writing and directing, Dashi also stars as Mona — an aimless 30-something writer who’s been looking after her father for the better part of a decade. When dad’s health takes a turn, Mona’s much more successful siblings (Sandy Sidhu, Stephen Lobo and Huse Madhavji) come home and long-buried resentments bubble up to the surface, as each of them must reckon with the loss of their father and reevaluate the life they’ve been leading. Iconic Canadian filmmaker Deepa Mehta and Saskatoon-born actor Kim Coates  serve as executive producers (the latter also co-starring as Mona’s family lawyer and secret lover).

Ahead of the film’s debut on Thursday, we got the chance to chat with filmmaker/star Darshi about bringing an authentic, messy Canadian South Asian experience to the screen.

Matthew Currie: Talk about the genesis of this story.

Agam Darshi: I feel like I’ve been writing it for a really long time. It’s changed a whole lot. I wanted to tell a story of what I knew to be a South Asian living in Canada. Not that those experiences in Donkeyhead are personally my own — but that feeling of what it is to be a South Asian person growing up in Canada, feeling as South Asian as I do Canadian.

And I wanted to tell a family story, a dramedy — because those are the types of films that I love. And the idea of these four siblings and what holds them together when their parents are no longer in the picture, and how they move forward. And then slowly, slowly it started to centre around this one particular character of Mona, who is kind of the messy failure in the family — her story and how everyone else sort of orbits that.

MC: Where did Mona come from? What was the process like of creating her, and why did you gravitate toward her as an actor?

AD: I am most attracted to characters like that. The ones who are the underdogs, the outliers, the ones who sort of live outside of the cultural norms. The other characters sort of changed and evolved [in] different variations of the script, but Mona stayed fairly consistent. I knew her voice. And I think it’s always really interesting when you look at siblings — there’s always this one that is like, “How are you a part of this family?” That was Mona. I wanted to play her partly because, in many ways, I think she is me; I always sort of gravitate towards characters that are like that. Even though on the surface, I know I look like I have it all together — and in many ways, I do — but there’s definitely a part of me that understands what it is to be the outsider, that is incredibly frightened to fail.

I love coming-of-age stories, but I’m particularly interested in telling those stories when people are older. I think it’s interesting when someone’s 16 and they come of age, but you still have the rest of your life ahead of you. It’s far more beautiful and tragic when you’re nearing 40 and you still haven’t gotten your shit together and you’re not really sure what way to go. I think there’s a lot of people who can relate to that.

MC: And it is very easy to wake up in your 30s and realize, “Where did the last 10 years of my life go?”

AD: Absolutely. We’re sold this false idea that, by the age of 30 you’re supposed to have everything figured out. You’re supposed to have a really good job, be on your way to buying a really good house, get married, have kids . . . the narrative is changing, but for the most part, to be 38 years old and not have any of those things in your life is daunting and considered to be a failed life. But, that being said, I know so many people who live like that and it’s not a failed life. It’s just life. That is actually more often than not the truth, I think.

MC: There’s something so resonant about the fact that Mona’s father is at death’s door as we enter this story, forcing her to confront what she’s doing with her life. The idea of, “I’m not the kid anymore.” And as fraught as their relationship is, it’s sort of like a safety net is disappearing, which forces her into some sort of action, some sort of reckoning.

AD: Exactly. I think her relationship with her father is a complicated one. Like most people’s relationship with their parents. She loves him, and yet he’s been difficult. She is holding on to being the caretaker and being the martyr in this family — partly out of love, but also because she’s afraid of moving forward because she doesn’t know how to move forward, because she’s failed in her past. She’s scared of success. She’s scared of failure. So her need for him to stay alive is so huge, because if he dies, then that means that she has to face herself.

MC: One of the things I loved about the film was that, in any family, you love everyone, but there’s always that one sibling who’s your buddy. And that’s Mona and Parm (Stephen Lobo). I loved their dynamic.

 AD: They’re twins. They’re very, very close. And they love each other, but it’s also painful because they’re so different. And that hurts Mona, because she’s never going to be Parm. He’s perfect. And it hurts Parm because he just wants to see her be OK. So it’s a really tricky relationship and a really tricky dynamic. But underneath it all, it’s pulsated by love.

MC: What kind of a challenge was it both directing the film and playing the lead?

AD: [Laughs] It was challenging in some ways . . . I was incredibly prepared. I think everybody could tell you that. I was so terrified that I just came in incredibly prepared. And that made the process easier. I had a lot of time, though, to prepare. I had an incredible team that gave me the space and the tools that I needed in order to feel secure. I had a cast that really trusted me. They were incredible. First of all, they were just such good actors that they didn’t need much. What they needed from their director was a roadmap, and I was able to provide that. But I trusted them. They were all cast for a reason — because they were perfect for the role. And I didn’t need to coach them in anything, other than letting them know where we were going and the tone and things like that.

Another person I wanted to mention was my production designer, Marian Wihak . . . once she came onboard and we went to Regina, she listened to the visuals that I had in mind and the feeling that I wanted to convey, and she was able to help us find locations and transform [Mona’s] house into, really, a huge extension of the family — so the house itself is almost another character, in a lot of ways.

MC: You talk about the meticulous planning you did going into it. There’s a saying in boxing that, “Everyone’s got a plan . . . until they get hit.” Was there anything like that for you? Any curveballs you didn’t see coming?

AD: Yeah, I think that’s just the nature of making a film. There were definitely days . . . especially the exteriors were really hard, because we were shooting in Regina, in January. I think at one point it was minus-41 C outside. And there was a biking shot of Mona, and I had it planned out. I wanted it next to this beautiful river, there’s that orange glow from the lamps outside . . . and we get there and it was so cold that the bike froze, and I wasn’t able to actually ride my bike . . .

MC: Simply put, what do you want audiences to take away from Donkeyhead?

AD: I really hope it resonates. It was interesting — it’s a film about a South Asian family, a Sikh Punjabi family living in Regina, and after some scenes, we would have the grips, like, this one guy Pete — he was just this big, burly man who came up and was like, “That scene really touched me. I had a tear in my eye.” So I really hope that this is a film that can transcend . . . where anyone who has a family can connect to it . . . It just happens to be that it’s a South Asian family. And through the fact that it’s a South Asian family, I hope that there’s a tiny bit more understanding. And I hope that South Asian audiences can see themselves in this family — because we do talk about things and show things that are not very conventional in a lot of these types of films, these films about South Asians living abroad. It’s a little bit edgy in that way. But I hope people see themselves in that, and as a result there’s more understanding and compassion for their family members — their sons, their daughters, their sisters and brothers, their parents . . .

Main Image Photo Credit: levelFILM