Being a Parent Is Hard No Matter What—Especially when Finding Help.
Traditionally, after baby is born, the newly appointed grandmother moves in to help. This can be quite the relief. It definitely takes a village to raise a child. This also comes with conflicting viewpoints in terms of how your child will be raised. Morals, values and ideals are bound to clash. Progressive South Asian women of today can often find themselves struggling to keep up with their contemporary ideas while maintaining their South Asian culture and religion. This is often the area where the older generation can be of assistance. But, on the flip side, when hiring a caregiver such as a nanny, the hired help need only respond to the parent’s wishes instead of the extended family members' expectations and the culture's in general — which, let's be real, can be a grossly outdated generalization that doesn't fit with your lifestyle today.
“The concept of having ‘outside help’ in North American South Asian communities is often received with judgment, ignorance and misapprehension,” Sheba Siddiqui, a mother of two, writes for Masala Mommas. “As a South Asian woman, you are supposed to do it all on your own. … We are supposed to be superwomen — all with a smile on our faces.”
Realistically, hiring a nanny or opting for daycare may not be in every parent’s budget. But if it is, paid help has its perks.
Grandmother Has a Life Too
Who doesn’t want to spend time with the family’s youngest members? This is how bonds are strengthened and quality time is spent. But grandma is still an individual person. She has her own friends, activities, interests, and health concerns — and don't forget that she has already done her share by taking care of you once upon a time. Mother of two Rimi Mohindra-Girdhar tells the Toronto Star, “Mom is best. She can pass down cultural values, teach Hindi, mould the child’s personality.” And yet, she noted after her second child was born that she wanted to relieve some stress from her mother’s life — after mom trained the new nanny.
Remember Energy?
With house chores like dishes, vacuuming and laundry out of the way, less energy is spent on the more tedious aspects of life. Energies can be spent running around with the kids and running errands. And when the kids are asleep, there won’t be a mountain of housework to do before hitting the hay or having some peaceful adult time.
Alone Time
Taking a long shower, having a mid-day nap, reading a book or even just eating a meal without interruption. Are these distant fond memories? While your children are being entertained by either the nanny or daycare, take that time to care for yourself. Truth be told, you’re no good to anyone if you aren’t recharged and healthy.
Time with Your Partner
Just as you need to recharge, so does your relationship. Rekindle the romance and enjoy each other’s company, guilt-free. Your kids’ happiness isn’t the only ingredient in nurturing a happy family as a whole.
Hillary Di Menna
Author
Hillary Di Menna is a freelance journalist who manages to publish her scribblings while raising a six-year-old skateboarding ballerina and sharing her home with two snuggly black cats. Her parenting blog, Misfit Matriarch, follow her adventures in parenting. You can find all her work at
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