Our 2021 Roundup: Swipe Right If Jabbed? Tips On How To Navigate The New Dating World

If you online dated during the pandemic or are resurfacing now curious to see what’s out there, the new normal is something to consider. With vaccinations rolling out, platforms are starting to include vaccination status in their profiles. What if the person you want to swipe on hasn’t listed theirs? Here are tips on how to navigate the new world of dating, vaxxed or not. 

With the world reopening, many of us single folks are ever-so-anxiously dipping our toes back into the sometimes wildly wavy dating pool.

If you’re thinking that I’m being dramatic, well, I’m not.

Dating nowadays can be difficult to navigate, especially with apps that give you countless options to choose from without even leaving your couch (or toilet … don’t lie).

I’m no dating guru, but I’ve been doing this long enough (with the help of some very wise friends and family) that I feel it’s only fair to pass along some of the lessons I’ve learned to you. I hope that these nuggets of wisdom will help save you some heartache as you too begin the sometimes daunting task of re-entering the dating world.

So, without further delay, let’s get into it:

Decide what YOU want and commit to that: It’s easy to let the pressures and expectations from Asian culture, society at large, or the gossiping aunties get to you. But, you’ve got to let all of that go because as morbid as it is, none of these people will be around forever and you’re the only one who will have to live with your decisions. And so, I urge you to decide what you are looking for (i.e. something casual or long-term), what key values you’re looking for in a partner (if that’s what you’re seeking), what your boundaries are, as well as what your deal breakers are.

Even when someone else enters the picture, you’ve got to stay true to what you want from them. This isn’t selfish, it’s just honest – you need to make sure you’re not giving in to their needs and prioritizing them over your own. The most critical part of this exercise is that you don’t talk yourself out of what is important to you because someone is super attractive or you’re in lust – all of that fades, trust me!

To be vaccinated or not to be vaccinated: The million dollar question. Whatever your stance is on vaccinations, do not force them upon someone else or shame anyone for their choice. According to AP News, many popular dating apps, such as Hinge, Tinder, Match and Bumble are allowing users the option to add a vaccine badge to their profile. When you’re swiping you can look out for the badge to determine if you want to swipe or not, based on your own views. Alternatively, some people will indicate whether they are vaccinated or their views on vaccination in their bios, which may be helpful for you in deciding if to swipe on their profile or not. That said, to encourage users to add their vaccine badge to their profile, some apps are offering perks, like access to exclusive features that paid members get to use. However, these badges or personal declarations can be a bit sticky due to the politicization of the vaccine and the divide it is creating among folks, unfortunately. Sadly, this is the world we live in now and if you are choosing to re-enter the dating game, you may need to navigate some of these awkward vaccine conversations with a grain of salt. Ultimately, if you do not agree with someone’s decision, you can simply choose not to swipe (providing it’s indicated in their profile) or once their stance is revealed you can just let them know you don’t think you’d be a great fit for them and keep it moving. There’s enough messiness in this world right now, try not to add to it.

Be mindful, but enjoy the process: Try not to jump into dating with heavy expectations of meeting your significant other as soon as possible so you can settle down (however that looks for you). That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself and someone else. Instead, what seems to be working for me is that I’ve adopted the mindset that I’m just meeting new people and seeing where things go. Keep in mind that people will say all the right things, but not everyone will mean it. You’ve got to be vigilant about noticing when words don’t match actions.

With that said, you might encounter some duds, but that’s part of dating. You cannot force things (and that applies to life, in general) to happen, so the best thing to do is let go, let flow, and enjoy the journey. The sooner that you understand that what is supposed to work out absolutely will, and what’s not meant for you will miss you (let it and count your blessings that it did), the better off you’ll be.

Cellphones are not just for texting: I know it’s shocking, but it’s true, cellphones do more than send texts and allow you to scroll Instagram. If you’ve been texting with someone for a bit and the quality of conversation has been decent, float the idea of a phone call to them. Something like this is often sufficient: “I’m really enjoying chatting. It’d be nice to get to know you a little better, would you be up for a phone chat sometime this week?” I find this is a great ‘pre-date’ activity to engage in to see if you’d even want to go on a date with this person, which is helpful as you may be looking to limit the number of dates you go on given COVID-19.

Listen to your gut: At the end of the day, the choice you make to date someone is yours. But, if something doesn’t feel right to you, it probably isn’t. Don’t ignore those gut feelings – they’re a really important tool that will help to save you some sleepless nights.

Debriefing is a powerful tool: I’ve got some fantastic friends who help me to unpack what I’ve learned about my dates pre-date and post-date. Seem like overkill? Well, it’s not and it’s actually helped me to cut people loose a lot sooner. The thing is, when you’re interested in someone, you’re hardly impartial and will often justify behaviours or words to yourself – you’re all caught up in the clouds and it’s understandable. However, you need some friends who will tell you like it is when the red flags look like roses to you that have you hooked.

First date essentials (yes, that may include masks): The truth is, dating is a pandemic is a bit risky because you don’t really know who this person is, nor do you know who they’ve been around. You need to do what is most comfortable for you, and most people will roll with it given the unique circumstances of our new normal. That said, prior to the first date, you may want to ask some probing questions to get an understanding of how many people your date interacts with on a regular basis or if they’re experiencing any symptoms, especially if there is potential for this person to lay one on you at the end of the night! As well, if you’re going to be outside, but you’re not going to be socially distanced, you may want to consider wearing a mask or discuss if you’re both comfortable with ditching the masks. These conversations are going to be a tad awkward, but in today’s world, it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Patience is KEY: Rule number one is this: remember that dating is just one aspect of your life, it is not your life. Do not treat it like it’s your job to find the love of your life because all you’ll wind up finding is disappointment. Rule number two is this: be realistic with yourself. You’re likely not going to find the love of your life within a 5-kilometre radius from the comfort of the current love of your life, the couch, and you might not find that lucky duck within a week or a month or even after 10 dates. As depressing as that all sounds (sorry for the truth bombs), don’t let that get you down! Finding your person shouldn’t be something you rush into anyway, it’s a big decision, and honey, we do not settle around here!

So, when the dating blues start to set in, remind yourself every day that you’re fine on your own (babe, you made it through a whole pandemic without a significant other, trust me, you’re superhuman). Look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you’re not only a whole meal, but you’ve got an amazing personality, a heart of gold, and you’ve got tons to offer a partner. It’s also crucial to take inventory of all the things in your life that you have to be grateful for, like your health, your family and friends, and the various subscriptions that kept you sane (i.e. Netflix or Kindle Unlimited) to name a few. Like I said before, enjoy the process, live your life, and things will work out as they’re meant to.

Communication, communication, communication: Be honest with people about what you’re looking for and if you’re not interested in someone, just tell them (nicely, of course). Life is too short to play with people’s emotions just to avoid accountability. Of course, not everyone will be upfront or honest with you, but don’t let that jade you, instead, take comfort in knowing that karma will catch up to them eventually.

I hope these tips will be helpful for you as you try to get back out there. Sometimes it’s tough, but what I’ve taken solace in lately is this: first, nothing is wrong with me because dating is not just difficult for me, and second, I didn’t make it this far on my own to settle for just anyone who will give me a little bit of attention – maybe I am a hopeless romantic, but I’d rather wait for my person, I think I deserve that and you do too!

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