Culture & Lifestyle / Face It, Relationships Are Hard: Mindful Tips On How To Keep The Romance Going While Keeping Your Relationship Real

Face It, Relationships Are Hard: Mindful Tips On How To Keep The Romance Going While Keeping Your Relationship Real

Culture & Lifestyle Mar 13, 2019

With all the glorious weddings that are steaming up our Insta including the latest Ambani wedding which is setting social media on fire, it’s time to get real about relationships. They aren’t always chocolates and roses; they can also be challenging. Check out our  mindful tips on on how to keep the romance going while keeping your relationship real. 

We love indulging in the drama of a a Bollywood move and enjoy the general plot of a couple facing hardships until the blissful happily ever after…who doesn’t love a good love story!?! The problem is, a good love story isn’t necessarily a realistic love story and we fear Bollywood may be a factor in creating a myth on what a relationship really is…

What Is A Real Relationship?

One that requires work in the form of energy, effort, patience and understanding. Lasting relationships require constant open, nonjudgmental communication, detachment from our ego, accountability for our actions, the abilities to forgive, accept, support and adapt to change.’ On the road of a relationship there will be sunny strolling but there will also be detours, bumps and feelings of being lost that may lead to questioning if the journey together should continue. A real relationship involves two people that can be honest about how much work a real relationship requires; it consists of acknowledging that at times it will feel like the romantic flames have burnt out and both partners will have to make an effort to keep the spark going.


Mindful Tips On How To Keep The Romance Going While Keeping Your Relationship Real
Mindful Tips On How To Keep The Romance Going While Keeping Your Relationship Real:  Flowers are fun but talking openly to prevent arguments is better. Photo Credit:


Why Does Romance Fizzle?

There’s no one, definite answer but in general, romance can fade because we get caught up in the whirlwind of life. Whether it’s taking care of our immediate family (parents, kids), family obligations (and/or interference’s), cultural expectations (which can be stressful), career commitments and other personal responsibilities (school for example), our list of things to do can feel endless. That being said, after the initial butterflies of a new relationship and yearning to be around each other 24/7 begin to fade (which is a common experience), prioritizing our romantic life can be difficult. Some may even argue the longer the relationship lasts, it begins to feel almost indulgent and/or irresponsible to put attention towards it when so many other factors of life require energy and/or financial resources. We want to be clear, romance fading doesn’t  mean that the love between two people has evaporated but real relationships are more than love, they are about commitment. Commitment is challenging and unlike a Bollywood movie, even with immeasurable love, there’s no guarantee of a blissful happy-ending.

5 Ways To Keep The Flames Alive

Here are some mindful ways to keep the sparks ignited (or revive them):

  • Discuss (and laugh) at the idea of ‘perfection’ together.
    • Keeping it real with our partner involves awareness and acknowledgement of any ideas or preconceived notions we have of what a ‘perfect’ relationship is. Discuss your ideals and desires openly to ensure your on the same path with the similar goals in mind (for example, do not assume because your idea of a “perfect” family involves upholding the South Asian cultural traditions of living with in-laws that your partner feels the same). Remind each other that change is constant and commit to talking through feelings with each other to ensure goals evolve together.
  • Don’t expect what you don’t communicate.
    • Partners are not mind readers; do not assume they know what your thinking. For example, Valentine’s Day may be important to you but to your partner it may be a superficial holiday designed for mass marketing. That being said, don’t be disappointed if you didn’t receive flowers, instead discuss things in advance with open questions such as “do you think we should celebrate on the day and if so how?”
  • Plan date nights.
    • It may be cliché but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t work. The idea of spontaneous romance is great but when family, kids and work get involved, is it realistic? Scheduling a date night once a week (or month), gives something to look forward to while making it clear that though you have several priorities, your relationship remains one of them.


Mindful Tips On How To Keep The Romance Going While Keeping Your Relationship Real
Mindful Tips On How To Keep The Romance Going While Keeping Your Relationship Real: Date nights don’t need to be fancy; simple dinners can do the trick! Photo Credit:


  • Value quality over quantity
    • Spending a lot of time together is lovely but if you spent the whole time on your phones does it even count? Some will argue yes, others no, ensure you talk about what quality time means to you. Your date nights may only happen once a month but better to have ones where you’re focusing on each other than be with each other constantly but distracted.
  • Practice gratitude.
    • It’s easy to begin to take each other for granted and/or to focus on the things our partner does not do. Practicing gratitude can keep the romance going because it increases awareness on the little gestures that get lost in the day-to-day routine. For example, your partner waking you up with a cup of coffee may seem small but that doesn’t mean it’s not sweet. Use a journal, talk it out or text each other before bed; this helps strengthen connection by cultivating feelings of appreciation.


Main Image Photo Credit:  

Rachna Sethi

Rachna Sethi


Rachna (@mindfullyyours)is a graduate of the Applied Mindfulness Meditation program from the University of Toronto, a certified Educator with two bachelor degrees and a diploma in Art Therapy. She's dedicated to living with a compassionate approach. Committed to helping people integrate Mindfulness...