Issue / Create The Love You Want: Finding "The One"

Create The Love You Want: Finding “The One”

Feb 03, 2015

We’re all on a mission to find “the one.” We long to be united with the perfect partner who makes us feel enlightened, happy and whole from the inside-out. I want you to know that that person exists. And this is the biggest secret about finding him or her . . . You’re it.

Yes, I said you. You are the person that completes you. You are the person that you find passion, love and fulfillment with. You are the one. And when you finally realize this, you’ll be ready to have the most amazing relationship with another person. Let me explain why.

Many of us are seeking the one because we feel like something’s missing in our lives; there’s a void, a sense of incompletion, a hole. The logical way we deal with this void is by looking for the perfect fit out there. We find people and things to fill this void but the satisfaction is temporary. Eventually we feel like something’s missing again. The reason this happens is because of the ego.

We all have two selves — a complete self (the higher self, the true self) and an incomplete self (the ego). Your incomplete self — or ego — is the part of you that feels like something’s missing. It’s the internal message or compulsion that says, “What you want is out there. Go get it!” When we indentify with the ego, this message plays in our head all the time. We listen to the voice and the search is on.

We chase. We grasp. We cling. We long. We hide. We hope. We pray. We fill. And, we’re still not satisfied. Not for long anyway. Because the nature of the ego is to feel incomplete, anytime you listen to its message (“the answer is out there”), you’re bound to feel incomplete.
Luckily, there’s another self that identifies with wholeness, love, abundance and happiness within. This is your higher self, and when you connect with it, you will automatically feel these qualities. So how do you do that? Go within to find the truth.
The higher self is found through quiet reflection and listening to your inner voice. Meditation, yoga, journaling and nature walks are just a few ways that you can connect with your higher self. You’ll know that you’ve found it if it feels like home, like a long exhale or a “finally.”

The more you practice connecting to your higher self, the more you will be able to identify with it (and the less you’ll identify with the ego). The message of the ego fades away, and you’ll feel, with every fabric of your being, that you have finally found the one.

And that’s just the beginning. Because one of the most beautiful aspects of finding the one is when you do, you become prepared to find the most amazing relationship with another person.

We attract people who mirror the connection we have with ourselves. By connecting to your higher self, you become fulfilled, happy, gorgeous and complete from the inside out. Your true self shines through. This shifts your entire dynamic in relationships and potential partners that you’re attracted to (and that are attracted to you) are fulfilled from the inside out too.
By finding the answer on the inside, the compulsion to demand and get things from other people softens and you find yourself enjoying relationships as a bonus to your life. Remember, anytime you demand something from someone else, it simply means you’ve fallen out of love with you.

You are here to feel deeply fulfilled in your life, and in relationships. The secret to making this a reality is connecting with your higher self. When you do, there will be no doubt in your mind that you’ve finally found what you’ve been looking for. 


Shelly Bullard, MFT, is an internationally renowned love coach and spiritual advisor. She is devoted to guiding people to claim their confidence, love, beauty, grace and inner strength, so they can create relationships and lives they love.


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